


Pain

by ameliariley



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Dream Team - Fandom, Karl Jacobs - Fandom, Twitch - Fandom, Twitch Streamers, Video Blogging RPF, georgnotfound - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Repressed, Feelings, Help, Karl Jacobs - Freeform, Mentioned Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Other, Ranboo - Freeform, Ranboolive, References to Depression, Someone - Freeform, Supportive Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), confused, denial of depression, dream - Freeform, georgenotfound - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:33:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28503777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ameliariley/pseuds/ameliariley
Summary: this is really about my mental state right now and how I feel, thought I should tell someone and I can't really tell people I know so here you all go. also hoping some of you find comfort in knowing others feel the same way you do
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Pain

**Author's Note:**

> hey :) this is something I wrote while sleep deprived and crying after realizing the only thing that makes me happy anymore is the dream SMP members and other twitch streamers (that's why it's the fandom tag) I've always written paragraphs like this when feeling these ways (sometimes calms me down since I enjoy writing) and I'm gonna post the ones I like.

I'm in pain constantly, not physical pain though. I think it's my mind hurting causing my body to react in a way of pain. It's not like my stomach hurts or I have a headache, I couldn't even tell you what specific body part hurts cause it all does, sometimes it feels like my body is too tired to move so i just stay in bed all day. I'm always hurting and sometimes I don't even know what specifically hurts all I know is that my mind is screaming like it's in pain, almost like there's all this built up pressure that needs to be released. When I try to explain this to people I can't make the words come out they just sit there teasing me cause they know that they won't leave my mouth. Constantly these sounds of people chewing food, swallowing their drink, and just simply breathing sound amplified in my head. I can hear everything and my ears just focus on it, not letting me live in peace. These sounds cause me to become frustrated wanting to scream to get them to shut up but I know even if I were to do that nothing would change. My mind is in pain. Simply screaming for help and I can't, I've never not been able to make myself feel better. Sometimes this pain becomes overwhelming and I can't stop it, and I can't find anything to help stop it. Being alone makes it worse but so does being with people. What am I supposed to do when absolutely nothing helps with the pain? I can try to understand the pain but where do I start? If I can't find the reason for the pain, how do I understand it? Something that can help sometimes but it doesn't ever stop is watching my favorite YouTubers or streamers but they aren't always going to be there. One day they're all gonna be gone and I'll be left with this unbearable pain to deal with, alone. Nothing will ever help this pain go away, will it? I'm gonna live all my life with the pain I can't find the cause of, and I'm gonna continue to push people away because of the pain. At the end of my life, I'm gonna have no one and just this pain that's ruined everything...

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this somehow makes some people feel better. I know sometimes it can be hard so please know there's always a reason to stay. I'm staying for my future, I'm staying for the things ill do one day because even though I struggle each day just to get up I know one day I won't. I love you even if I don't know you I love you :)


End file.
